Because carrots do not work, but sticks do: Every penny counts.

Every city should pass this legislation. I've been trying to figure out the genius idea that will re-purpose plastic bags so I can retire already. Dog doodoo-bags might be it. I don't know. Maybe there isn't one. Until someone figures it out, New York has a good idea.

Interesting post on my comment section, alter-ego. But what would the difference be if instead of beer the thing they were buying were oxygen? And why did the rich guy buying all that beer for everyone not run away in the 90s? And isn't the point, anyway, that we're all selfish and just want what's best for us as individuals? And if, by chance, the side-effects of helping me happen to help you, well, then, all the better. It seems like you're supporting a flat tax. That surely isn't fair. Look, I understand none of it is fair, but don't we need to ask, "What is least unfair?" And then, "What will ultimately help our country the most?" I'm just concerned we're slipping closer to those South American countries where 2% of the population holds 98% of the wealth. They may be great places to visit, but I don't think they're great places to live - at least they weren't in the 80s and 90s. Anyway, for me, it's about more than taxes. It's about education, the environment, alternative energy and personal liberties. I do not want to see a bunch of off-shore drilling - for the same reason I'm not too thrilled to see gas prices fall. Christ, aren't we just delaying the inevitable? Fuck quick fixes. The only way to quicken a real fix is to continue to have a situation that most Americans can't stand: namely, high oil prices. It's bad enough that we're borrowing money from the Far East and sending it to the Middle East, but we're ass-raping the environment.

I also do not want to see Polar Bears disappear. I also do not want to see Roe v. Wade overturned. I also do not want to see school vouchers become our answer for a failing public education system. You know, it's funny how education has taken a backseat to EVERYTHING this election. We've spent more time trying to figure out if Palin bought her pantsuits at Sax or at Neimans. Anyway, there are a lot of reasons Keller's Kards is officially endorsing Obama. OMG! Someone book me a seat on Meet the Press. For real, though, I am voting for Obama for many reasons, and I am not voting for McCain for just as many. So you could say I'm both voting for change and out of spite.

Palin is a fucking joke. Joe the Plumber is a fucking moron. And McCain had to make so many concessions to the GOP to secure the nomination that he's now a spooky, shaky shadow of his former self. And it's pathetic. Sad and pathetic. The good news, though, is it won't be too difficult to convince McCain that he's won, even if he has lost. The man is growing more senile by the day. Those closest to him could probably send him to a retirement home, a white one, of course, and tell him he's President. He can meet with foreign leaders in the cafeteria, like Sal from Hoboken. And he can give Rose Garden speeches to other residents' visitors while in a rocking chair on the front porch. They can even give him a red phone. It'll go directly to the nurses' station whenever he picks it up. They can play MASH DVDs on his TV and tell him it's a live feed from Afghanistan. USA! USA! USA!

Whatever. Go out and vote tomorrow.

Oh, Joe. Not only do you not pay fines in Arizona, nor have a business license, but you apparently do not have a clue. Taxes, by their very nature, spread the wealth. They always have and always will - unless we have some sort of flat tax, which no legitimate candidate has ever suggested. About eight years ago, Steve Forbes thought it was a good idea. But no one thought it was a good idea to vote for him. Anyway, if by some miracle - or nightmare - McCain and Palin take office, the taxes we pay under them will be redistributed. Or I guess they could just put all that money under a mattress. Guess whose mattress it won't be under, Joe? Yours. Then again, maybe things will trickle down to you and your business. You know, those empty lots on the outskirts of town might one day be home to six-bedroom Colonials with seven bathrooms that all need a good snaking. And that's when your phone might ring. And that's when you might meet the folks who would really benefit from permanent Bush tax cuts. They might even call you by name. But make sure you wear those little bootie things; they hate it when the help gets dirt on their Persians. Look, Joe, if it's about money, read the tax plans of each candidate. If it's about voting for a POW and someone who believes life starts at conception, push that GOP button. That's fine. If that's what you believe in, I'm not going to convince you that what I believe is somehow better. Those issues are mostly philosophical - mostly. The tax issue, on the other hand, is factual. There are numbers you could compare. Numbers, Joe. Numbers you cannot dispute. That's the beauty in numbers. Those other things, like abortion and building fences around our borders, are not so black and white. Argue about those things. If you vote for McCain and Palin on those issues, I will understand. If you vote for them thinking your closet will one day house a $150,000 wardrobe, I only hope you're pro-abortion. Because, my friend, we don't need any more retards on our streets.

We all know by now that the word "maverick" comes from a Texas dude who refused to brand his cattle. He apparently later abandoned them, and some say, and by "some" I mean Wikipedia, he wasn't interested in cattle; he paid it little attention, and that's why he didn't brand his herd. Regardless, these days it's synonymous with independent thinkers and actors, nonconformists, if you will. Well, up until McCain and Palin bogarted and bastardized it. What strikes me as funny, though, through all of this is the relationship between Trooper Gate and their favorite adjective. It's now known that Palin did abuse her powers in attempting to have fired her former brother-in-law. Not illegal, mind you, but somewhat unethical. I still don't quite understand that part of it, but that's neither here nor there. What is important is the McCain camp's statement, which went something like this, according to The NY Times:

"A pre-emptive report on the investigation by the McCain-Palin campaign, released late Thursday, said that beginning in October 2007, the governor and members of her administration repeatedly clashed with Mr. Monegan over budgetary issues and the direction of his agency.

After months of "repeatedly ignoring the governor's budget priorities, making public statements that directly challenged the governor's policy agenda and taking numerous unilateral actions in conflict with the governor in support of his own policy agenda . . ."

They went on to say the removal of Monegan (who refused to fire Wooten) was justified given Wooten's (the brother-in-law's) "rogue behavior" while a state trooper.

Hmm. Sounds like Alaska is filled with mavericks. I just find it funny that the McCain-Palin camp basically refers to these two guys as mavericks. And somehow the two guys should be reprimanded for it. I bet they wrote the word "maverick" initially in their press statement - partly because they're accustomed to typing it over and over again and partly because it's appropriate - only to quickly cut and paste it into their online thesaurus.

And, by the way, I am having a complete lapse, will someone please tell me the word for "public criticism." It's a great word. I have forgotten it.

Also, my running back picks were awful last week. I guess I was trying too hard to be a maverick. Goes to show it doesn't pay. But how about them wideout picks? Let's focus on that, my friends.