If you're a woman, you'll probably want to get your husband or caretaker to read this for you. According to science people, men are extremely intelligent and women are just plain dumb. In fact, my own IQ is well over 320. The average woman estimates her IQ at 57, which turns out to be about the only thing the average woman can get right, according to science, as the average woman's IQ is in fact 57. Look, I really didn't read past the headline, which I think was "Men Are Smartier Than Women Folk" or something like that; I'm too busy making lots of money and driving fast cars for a paragraph or two telling me something I already done learned.

A fight! A fight! A black and a white! If the black don't win then John Edwards probably had something to do with it.

Oh, the democratic debate.

In other news, a California Raisin says goodbye to the fashion world the only way he knows how: With a Mongolian Chop a la Kin Corn Karn.

This comes as little surprise: the kids provoked the tiger in the CA zoo. You hate to say, "They had it coming." But they had it coming.

Oh, and I'm on day three of Dual Action Cleanse. Bottom of the ninth. Nothin's doin'.

Family Guy came back strong. Real strong.

In other news:

Clinton and Obama Argue Over Who's Blacker.

He Has 25 Million Reasons To Cry.

Huckabee to SC: "I am Jesus."

The Golden Globes Become the Golden Globes of Award Shows.