Remember that Tammy Wynette commercial that SNL did a while back? Funny stuff. Anyway, I, too, am not dead. I've been on a slow tour of the Southeast. Specifically, Nashville, Highlands, Greenville and some lame beach called DeBordieu. Actually, I liked that beach. Anyway, since I've been gone a lot has happened. But the biggest story has to be (no, not T Rav's MySpace account being shut down) the Vick drama.

Here's what I hate about it:

1. It is not a race issue. You know what a race issue is? Some black guys dragging a white trucker out of his cab and beating him within inches of his life. I also would have accepted that Southern pasttime known as lynching. I also would have taken anything having to with Denny's. It's an ignorance issue. If you think dogs should be raised to fight each other in a pit, you are retarded. You can be a black retard or you can be a white retard. It doesn't matter what color your skin happens to be. The only thing that matters is that, in the grand scheme of things, you don't. You are a nobody, with nothing, going nowhere.

2. Claiming that it's a cultural issue - and excusing it for that reason - is akin to claiming white supremacy is a cultural issue and therefore acceptable. I mean, Cletus was raised that way so we can forgive him of his differences and let him live his life in peace, right? He hates minorities because Daddy taught him real good like. We just don't understand his background. Actually, retards, the only thing to understand is that Cletus is wrong; Cletus is a dumbass.

3. $130 million well spent. Yep, I'm glad we turn thugs into overnight idols. Seriously, $130 mil and this guy still throws down on some good ole dog fightin'. I'm just waiting for MTV Cribs to profile his Virgnia pad. "Over here we got some dog carcasses. I paid mad cash for these chain collars here. And that's actually not my pool, but my drownin' tank. Oh yeeeeah."

4. This case is different from the Duke Lacrosse case in this way: it's not one person crying wolf. And there is actual evidence. Sure, it's not directly linked to Vick at this point, but a. Logic would suggest that Vick's friends did not have the money to run such a large-scale operation without Vick's help and b. The evidence was pulled from Vick's house and c. The name of the "kennel" is named after Vick's hometown (or at least what Vick referred to his hometown as). If the investigators go on 60 Minutes and tell us that the dead dogs and dog-fighting paraphernalia were planted or part of some elaborate movie set, then I'll believe Vick is innocent. That isn't likely to happen.

5. Marcus Vick.

6. Vick was only occassionally good for his fantasy team and rarely good for his real team.

7. Dogs rule.