The Colts won the game, but who won the ads? Gosh, I bet no hack in the ad realm started their column like that yesterday. Never been done. So, seriously, who were the winners? I'd like to say the viewers, but that ain't the case. I'll give some props to Bud Light for not jerking off on an inflatable doll or anything. The Rock, Paper, Scissors ad was no doubt their best in quite some time. Still doesn't match the Real American Heroes radio spots, but it wasn't stupid, which is what we've come to expect from them. The only problem I had with it, which seems to be a Bud Light disease, is the "low five" hiccup, or whatever you want to call it. The joke is over. I laughed. It was funny. And then they bust out with a fart as exclamation point. Guys, you had us. You made us laugh. Now take a page from Costanza's book, and exit, stage left, pronto.

Why, Bud Light? Why? I just don't get it. I will never get it. Too bad you didn't buy 60 seconds, because then you could have done so much more with that guy on the ground, because that was the funny part, right? Yeah! You could have had like three or five hot girls walk by and say something like, "This party rocks!" And maybe the guy on his back could have caught a glimpse up the skirts of the hot women and he could have smiled as if to say, "Maybe I didn't lose after all." But just then a high heel would have to crush him in the gonads and drop an empty Bud Light on his head, and then that whammy noise from Press Your Luck would come in to take us to the logo. Still, kudos for doing something better than you've done in years.

Budweiser? Fuck those goddamned horses. Stop trying to force-feed me heritage. I don't get emotional when I see a bunch of Clydesdales pulling a wagon. I get pissed because they're usually blocking traffic and urinating in the streets. I like your beer. I do not like your saccharine bullshit. And I don't stand up and salute the flag everytime I chug a Bud.

Sierra Mist. I like your style. I like the hot pants and I like the combover.

That's about all I can remember from the ads. I DVRed'd the game to watch the commericals later, but I can't stand to sift through all of the crap. Oh, I should mention that I loved those ads for SearchGenie or whatever it was. It was like I was blasted back to 1982 and these handsome men with hairspray and gold chains were driving cherry red sports cars and dating strippers. Man, I'm walking on rainbows and dancing on clouds. Maybe I'll grab dinner with the boss after I bang my secretary. Thanks, SearchGenie!

Speaking of bananas for fingers, this kind of reminded me of those old Snapple radio spots that asked questions like, "Would you rather have hotdogs for fingers or be 3 feet tall?" Those aren't the exact scenarios - the real ones were actually funny - but you get the idea. Anyway, this reminded me of that. In a weird way: Bananas!