Bush visits the war-ravaged Gulf Coast to make himself feel, er, look better. I'm rich, biatch.

Wolfgang Fuck! What is Hep?!

More news for Hollywood: Vitamin DOA.

The Giver of Life lets it rain like PacMan Jones on faithful servant. So who does He bank with?

Welcome to ICU!

On a more serious note, have you noticed that guy who wants to kill Simon? Seriously, two weeks in a row now they've panned to this guy in the audience just after Simon says something smartass about that girl with the underbite, Leslie Hunt, and this guy - I think he was wearing the same clothes both weeks - is looking at Simon like he's wondering if he'll fit in his freezer. A raving lunatic. Anyway, Simon is right: that Pippi Longstocking needs to go home. And she can take all of the other white girls with her. American Idol this year, at least when it comes to the gals, is - or at least should be - a black affair. They are in another league. And, no, I don't mean the National Urban League. Lakisha, Jordin and Melinda are on point, as Randy Dog Jackson would say. Put them in the top four right now with that beat boxer - just to mix it up a bit - and let 'em go at it. My money is on Lakisha.

As for Antonella, I'm going to hate to see her go home. News flash: she's hot. But I'm sure we've all heard (read: seen) by now that she has some smutty pics on the web. Word is that so long as she's on the show, she'll be one of the first five contestants to perform for fear of what she might do with the mic if she had to use both hands to show people which number to vote for. Snare, snare, cymbal!

The results show is tonight, so I'm sure you'll both be tuning in.