Did you watch last night? Al Gore was this close (pretend like you're holding a tic-tac between your thumb and index finger) to being fellated on stage. If not that, at least some sort of hand release. They loved him. They wanted him. They praised him.

And there was ole Tipper with her black and white labels. Seriously, I find it funny that she's at an awards show that, ultimately, celebrates freedom of speech, when she was one of its biggest obstacles back in the late 80s and early 90s. Her war seemed less about putting stickers on albums and more about getting rid of language and imagery she deemed gratuitous and uncivilized. Hey, did you catch The Departed? It won Best Picture.

As for that, Scorsese winning for Best Director was like Denzel winning for Best Actor in Training Day. That movie was not very good, and his acting wasn't either. If I remember correctly, there was a lot of fuss about a black man never winning for Best Actor leading up to those Oscars. It was always Best Supporting Actor or Best Boy or Best Use of a Black Man as a Computer Geek. Things of that nature. Never the big one. A stink was afoot. Sure enough Denzel's name was called. Why? Because Oscar has a way of righting its past wrongs. The wrong then was obviously that a black man got robbed (how ironic) back in the day. And the wrong in this case was Scorsese never winning for Best Director or Achievment in Directing, whatever they call it now. Everyone was like, "Oh my God, y'all, he's only the best director ever! I loved him in The Godfather! He should totally get awarded an award for his directoring. I saw him once at The Ivy and he was so professional. Hey, Marty, still waiting on Annie Hall 2!"

Enter: Standing ovation.
Exit: Reason.

Boring. The only thing left was Best Picture. I really thought they'd give it to Clint seeing as how he was probably still on stage translating. It would have been easy. Not to mention, he tackled an "issue". But it was Scorsese's night! Look, The Departed was a good movie with a bad ending. It was as if they developed these great characters and storyline (thanks Donnie Brasco!), only to realize they were 2 hours into their movie and needed a way out. I've got it! Let's kill everyone and hammer home the we're-all-a-rat idea by showing an actual rat run across the screen. Yeah! Loose ends are deep and artsy. Sure. So it was just a good movie. And good movies shouldn't win Best Achievement in Picturetude.

Anyway, I feel asleep picturing Al Gore hiding Oscars up his ass. He's got my vote in '08!