Firewall, starring Harrison Ford, is currently airing on HBO. I had the good fortune of catching this spectacular movie on Friday night.

Harrison Ford is the high-powered head of security for a national bank. He's loaded and has this awesome house and semi-hot wife played by that annoying bitch in Sideways. He also has two kids and a Chrysler 300M. Harrison Ford gets into a little bit of trouble when some foreign guy, played by Jennifer Connelly's husband, and his lackeys use him to break into a bank - the very bank he works for!! Harrison Ford is allowed to go into work while his family is being held hostage, but he can't really say anything to anyone because the crooks are monitoring him. Harrison Ford is totally pissed about the predicament. His brow is furrowed often.

Harrison Ford tries to outsmart the crooks, but is not succesful early on. I really thought he'd send that email through and the movie would end right then and there, but it didn't happen like that. The crooks had access to his email and when he was typing an SOS, the crooks intercepted it and delelted it, and then warned Harrison Ford that those kinds of shenanigans would not be tolerated. Totally didn't see that one coming.

Harrison Ford then had to fire his assistant because Jennifer Connelly's husband didn't like the way she looked. Harrison Ford pulled this off deftly. The crooks then got mad at Harrison Ford for plotting an escape with his family.

At this point, I turned the channel to watch a rerun of Nigella Bites. Nigella was not being held hostage, as far as I could tell, so I turned the channel back to Firewall.

When I rejoined Harrison Ford, he was driving like a madman out to some country house with the assistant he had earlier fired. I thought I'd see a sex scene, but it didn't happen like that. Instead, Harrison Ford drove the car into a shed and a huge explosion exploded.

At this point, I went to the kitchen to get a beer and make some cookies. I was not being held hostage, so I returned to the TV room to see what Harrison Ford was up to.

You know what he was up to? I'll give you one guess and it better rhyme with kicking the crooks' asses.

Spoiler Alert!!

Harrison Ford then kicked the crooks' asses and saved his family from death. He also jumped like he does in Patriot Games and The Fugitive and Air Force One - you know, both hands up in the air like he's reaching for monkey bars, and one knee raised toward his chest - to avoid danger.

Roll Credits . . .

Harrison Ford - Head of Security for a National Bank
Annoying Bitch from Sideways - Harrison Ford's wife
Jennifer Connelly's Husband - Crook #1