First things first: this is pretty incredible even if you're not a Sawlks fan, as Kornheiser would say. That was the link. This is the video:



So the ball doesn't actaully go through his legs. I forgive them. As a Nofriendo addict growing up, it made me laugh. Anyway, it was really just to get you in the sporting mood. Then again, with as much coverage as sports are getting these days, you probably didn't need it.

Most of that coverage is coming from the beast that is ESPN. Everyone's favorite network to love to hate. But there are a few things I like about it. I liked their early commercials. The ones back in the day with the cheerleader who plugs her favorite magazine - phonetically. And the ones with Charley Steiner, Keith Olberman and Rich Eisen. I really forgot how much I liked Charley Steiner; it just deepens my dissatisfaction with the current anchors. And I like the fact that I can watch more events (football) than I'd be able to without it. Plus, I love Pardon The Interruption. But I've slurped that show on this blig for years, so you two already know that. A side note: I don't like Tony's reasoning that Notre Dame should jump Tennessee and Florida in the power rankings because of its history. That's absolutely ludicrous. Last time I checked, the Four Horsemen weren't on their bench. The BCMess, indeed. That's about the only point of contention I've ever had with those guys; they both make valid points even when they're dissenting points.

That's the good in ESPN. The bad is pretty much everything else. The fact that Tony (Kornheiser) was suspended for a week back in 2002 for remarks he made over the firing of his radio show's producer, among other people, is indicative of a network that wields too much power and only believes in free speech and commentary when it has nothing to do with their own faults.

And I almost totally forgot about the Jason Whitlock drama. I made fun of him when he hosted PTI while Wilbon was out. I sent an email to the show asking what had happened to Wilbon, claiming that he looked awful. For those who don't know, Whitlock is a large man. Anyway, it was clearly a joke and I respect Jason Whitlock. Especially after this story that came out back in September:

The World Wide Leader dumped me Monday afternoon because of critical comments I made about Mike Lupica and Scoop Jackson in a blog interview that ran on Friday. You can read the interview at www.thebiglead.com.

I guess that's the Disney in ESPN. It's all rainbows and unicorns. Grey skies are gonna clear up . . . one way or another.

Does ESPN not recognize that the popularity of PTI is in large part due to the anchors actually saying something. People with actual opinions. And not people like Woody Paige, who can easily be dismissed as goofballs, but people whose words are actually valued. That's Tony and Michael. Their words carry weight. I do know this: ESPN does realize that PTI is popular. After all, why else would they have moved the Big Finish so that it's part of SportsCenter. Hell, I have to watch 10 minutes of that show to catch the end of my show.

So what about "that" show? SportsCenter. It is what it is. (God, isn't that the sports catch phrase of the year?) It is a stat show. Straight news. With a twist. Kinda. The problem I have is in the delivery. It has become so similar to Entertainment Tonight in the way that it plugs upcoming news - after this commerical break - with suggestive questions that end up having the most retarded of answers. Christ, I expect Mary Hart to appear from behind one of their fake walls any day now.

The cliffhangers before commercials that keep us tuned in . . . and their eventual letdowns, er, outcomes:

SportsCenter Scenario One:

- opening lead in, graphics, clips, voice over -
Q: "And what did TO do this time? Is this the last straw? You gotta see this!"
- stats, Stuart Scott sucking thug cock, pun, pun, trying analogy, stats, pre-commercial plug -
Q: "Has Parcels finally seen enough of TO? We'll let you know!"
- scores, Yankees, Cuban, basketball science, pun, pun, poll, Schapp sap, pre-commerical plug -
Q: "And find out why TO might not be in Dallas much longer."
- scores, poll answer, pun, back patting and . . .
A: "Turns out TO had an oyster roast for some of his teammates this past weekend. Parcels was invited, but didn't show up. When asked, Parcels said he was allergic to shellfish - and joked that he was pretty sure TO knew that. Also, TO is going home to visit his mom next week."

SportsCenter Scenario Two:

- opening lead in, graphics, clips, voice over -
Q: "And why A Rod will retire as a Yankee."
- scores, pun, self-congratulations, 2-minute setup . . . punchline, pun, list of best QBs ever, pre-commercial plug -
Q: "Up next: will A Rod be anything other than a Yankee?"
- injury report, hot seat, sponsor stuff, scores, list of best ESPN moments ever, pre-commercial plug -
Q: "What made A Rod decide to be a Yankee for the rest of his life?"
- song and dance, list of best steroids ever, sarcasm, pun, analogy and . . .
A: "It's official. A Rod has become an American citizen. That means he's a Yankee in any uniform."
- snare, snare, cymbal -

Long. Walk. For. A. Roast. Beef. Sandwich. It's frustrating to read that - with those lame-ass payoffs - but at least it's your voice you're hearing in your head. Not some bubbly cheerleader's or Chandler Bing's. I guess I just wish they gave their viewers more credit. They insult our intelligence. Plain and simple. The idea of a fatass yelling at his dumb wife about the shortage of hot wings while watching the "big game" is stale and simply wrong.

And as for those commercials . . . I applaud most of them. Most of them are better than the product they advertise. I do think the campaign needs some fresh legs, though. This Was SportsCenter. Oh, and I had no idea they charged people on iTunes for the old commercials. Another power-happy corporation. Get over yourself already. I am. I just don't have any other options.

A bunch of them there commercials that I've been talking about: right cheer.

So what's my current beef with the ESPN? It's got to be the Peyton vs. Brady talk. Here's the debate: Who is the better quarterback? Here is the correct answer: Peyton Manning. Here is the logic for the wrong anwer: Tom Brady has 3 rings. I'm taking the guy with the championships. Okay, the question was "Who is the better quarterback?" It was not "Who has more Super Bowl rings?" By the wrong people's logic, Duce Staley is a better running back than Ladanian Tomlinson. Ben Roethlisberger is a better quarterback than Peyton Manning. Antwaan Randle El is a better reciever than Marvin Harrison. Willie Parker is a better running back than Larry Johnson and Shaun Alexander. I hate how the talking heads of ESPN avoid the actual question. Who is the motherfucking better quarterback? Peyton Motherfucking-Audible-Calling Manning. That's who.

Now where is my Season 1 and only DVD of Playamakers?

Broken Social Scene tonight in Charleston. I'll be the guy wearing a tshirt from Urban Outfitters.