OMG! Your first post on the iTunes poetry movement was brilliant! I read it and read it and read it and read it, because that's how good it is. If anyone disagrees with me they are totally gay and maybe retarded and stuff. Life-changing is too weak a word for that post of the century. 3/5 stars only b/c I liked the previous posts better. *** - Jeanyus

Oh, this world would be so dull without the average man and his average brain. Yeah, and who would teach our kids for that matter? Or beat guilt into our criminals? Or transform our countryside into Quail Ridge Estates Phase 3? Or pay our banks ridiculous interest rates? Yes, we need the average man. We need his average cash. We need his desperate ways. We need him to remind us just how fortunate we are (even if we're not*). And we definitely need his yearning to be something other than who he really is. In the case of iTunes, a fucking genius. A hip, early-adopting genius.

* I'm not wealthy. I am the CEO of Sallie Mae's golden parachute. I just despise a lot of things that come with the middle class. I do, however, realize how important the middle class is (kinda how Republicans see Mexicans). And, anyway, it's not entirely the average man's fault that he gets short shrift. I mean, someone could profit a little less from him, thereby giving him a little more. But that's not the American way. At least I don't think that's capitalism. Anyway, I'm starting to sound like I belong on iTunes, which was the whole point of this. Yep, I've found some more Chad Ruckers out there . . .

Apparat & Ellen Allien: Orchestra of Bubbles - Ellen is the Beethoven of electronica. Most people will not recognize this work as true genius upon first listen. ***** - aimso1gh And you are the Chopin of diarrhea.

M83: Dead Cities, Red Seas & Lost Ghosts - I actually just bought this album yesterday, but already I feel like I've changed. ***** - IndieAndy I bet you've hated your name all your life. That is, until you had that stroke of near rhyme genius.

Arcade Fire: Funeral - They're a good indie band, not anywhere close to the goodness of my 2nd favorite band Modest Mouse or close to The Killers infectious indie pop songs. This is a different kind of indie - it's more sad and somber without being boring like Bright Eyes. It almost has a Brittish quality to it, which I like since Oasis is my favorite band and is the greatest band to have ever existed. ***** - Sweetness Liam? Is that you?

Bloc Party: Silent Alarm - Indie Rock could be defined by many albums this year but the fact is in my book that this was one of the best. I will rate the songs as they blast out of my computer . . . ***** - Concert Guy I will rate your choice of words as the letters explode into my eyes.

Neil Young: After The Goldrush - This is the best of his early period. Buy it thrice!!! Peace. ***** - CoolFreeHardBop You know what else is great? Your computer. You should buy that three times, too.

Adam Green: Friends of Mine - My fave is "Friends of Mine". Though the lyrics make no sense, I love to jam to it. It would be the song to choose when buying. The rest are soso. I mean they don't make you want to get up and dance around. **** - Darn Darn-tootin'! "If the song don't make you jam, the song ain't worth a damn." - John Lennon

Air Supply: Ultimate Air Supply - This album summarizes a fabulous career that spanded decades. ***** - Anonymous Your stupidity spandes galaxies.

Bel Biv Devoe: The Milennium Collection - "Poison" could have been written about me! I mean, they say, "Never trust a big butt and a smile!" I do have a big butt and a bright smile but you can always trust me, as I tell the truth! **** - larbear Therefore this song could not have been written about you and is filled with bad advice, fatass.

Cake: Prolonging the Magic - I haven't actually heard this album yet, but it's Cake, so it must be absurdly good. Buy it!! ***** - Orangutan The only thing that's absurd is your name, your review and your logic. Okay, that's three things. Hey, buy it thrice!

DJ Shadow: Endtroducing . . . - If rock is vanilla, hip-hop chocolate, funk strawberry, and DJ Shadow a banana, then this album is the best banana split ever! ***** - Bronzelion You were right about DJ Shadow being a banana, but wrong about funk, rock and hip-hop. Rock is Rocky Road, naturally. Hip-hop is actually raisins. And funk is, believe it or not, razor wire. So your banana split theory is pretty much ruined. Or is it?

The Earlies: These Were The Earlies - The Doves, Franz Ferdinand, Arcade Fire . . . if these names do not ring a bell, get in the loop. The Earlies deliver the goods in their long awaited US release of their second album. ***** - samantha donen Gee, Sam, you sure do seem to hang out with the in-crowd. Sure wish I were more like you.

Farquet: The View From This Tower - I remember the day I first heard this album. Honestly, it changed my life. ***** - Realalternativeisinyourhead Because on that day I was gang-raped by 7 men in Native American headdresses. The album was just a coincidence, really.

The Features: Exhibit A - This album is a hidden gem waiting to be discovered. Need I say more? ***** - Cassandra Nope. You summed it up perfectly, Lester Bangs.

Mum: Yesterday Was Dramatic - Today Is OK - In such a masterpiece (as in all her works), one may find oneself flush with an energy so pure an colorful, yet at the same time melancholic and sorrowful. ***** Raskolnikov One may also find oneself charming and personable, yet friendless and lonely.

Boards of Canada: The Campfire Headphase - It's like viewing still images from an attic. Dust comes off the photograph and you project the place and time as though it had been your own. That ephemeral moment expands to a pool of memories, all feigned, but it doesn't matter that none of this happened. Instinctively, making up a story with pictures from an attic storage bin that doesn't exist continues. At some moment your own memories of people seamlessly splice into this fiction and you slightly start to wonder if these series of thoughts are indeed from your own past. Eventually you have to ask yourself how much of this was spontaneously written in your head or how much you intercepted from something out there. Boards of Canada have made another fantastic soundtrack for magnificent daydreaming. The final moments drip you either further into a dream or dissolve you back to reality with strong impressions of the daydream that just passed through your mind. The still life fragrance of this record will wash through the rest of the day. Press track one and let it happen. ***** John Pemble You take drugs, Danny? Seriously, you have got to lay off the acid, man. If, when talking to people, you get the sense that other people are standing behind you looking at the person you're talking to, while pointing to their heads with twirling index fingers, it's probably the only thing you've been right about since HORDE.

Journey: Escape - This album is one of the absolute best purchases I have made in my life! ***** - Me =) I'm gonna go ahead and say that, on behalf of the rest of us, you should put that abortion you purchased on that list too.

Journey: Escape - It's like viewing still images from an attic. Dust comes off the photograph and you project the place and time as though it had been your own. That ephemeral moment expands to a pool of memories, all feigned, but it doesn't matter that none of this happened. Instinctively, making up a story with pictures from an attic storage bin that doesn't exist continues. At some moment your own memories of people seamlessly splice into this fiction and you slightly start to wonder if these series of thoughts are indeed from your own past. Eventually you have to ask yourself how much of this was spontaneously written in your head or how much you intercepted from something out there. Journey has made another fantastic soundtrack for magnificent masturbating. The final moments drip you either further into a dream or dissolve you back to reality with strong impressions of the daydream that just passed through your mind. The still life fragrance of this record will wash through the rest of the day. Press track one and lube it up. ***** - Chadrucker14 Chad Rucker was recently arrested in a sting at the Brushy Creek Park for undisclosed reasons. But sources close to the perp tell us that it may have something to do with young boys, glory holes and Krispy Kreme donuts. Also, you should note, corn cobs were found at the scene.

Off the subject (almost) completely, but did Rockapella open Game 6 in Dallas? Where in the world is your dignity, people?