Seriously, I can't believe you don't know about HeadOn.

Since When Did Life In Prison Qualify as a Win? Apparently, Moussaoui hasn't seen one single episode of Oz. You should have been a martyr, Moose. That would have been a "win". But it wasn't to be, so open up and say "ahhhh". Someone's future bitch.

I Had a Match, But She Had a Needle. Mexico turns its 'Book of Law' into one big pinata. Pretty much everything is legal there now. Yep, they took the Outback Steakhouse tagline to heart. So next time you cross the border for a 10 peso handjob through the fence at that elementary school, pick up some heroine to enhance your experience. It's legal, dude. Don't sweat it. No shake. No seeds.

Enjoy Coke. Just Not At Your School. Bill Clinton (and that Schlosser guy) are awfully proud today. The three largest soft drink makers are agreeing to stop offering their sugary products in our nation's schools. It's official: you can now get absolutely nothing out of a public school education. 'Cept shot.

Trade Winds Weaken! Throw your horses overboard! We must make it to America! Okay, so there are other - more relevant - effects of global warming and weakened trade winds . . . Blow, wind, blow.

Smart Money's On Chris . . .