MySpace Is Off The Hizzy. Or Rocker. Whatever. Anyway, two of my closest friends on MySpace have recently written great bligs of their own. Jesus addresses God's appearance on Smackdown: From the top ropes!

And then Balwinderjit's Movie Script: Green light it, boys.

Tom Cruise Hates Bullies. According to the psycho, he was teased as a kid, at school and even at home. It kinda makes you feel sorry for the guy. Until you remember who the guy is. One part Jack, one part Ass.

Semi-Famous Man Just Made More Than Famous. That's right, infamous, thanks to a little thing I like to call family-way-too-friendly pornography. If you're too lazy to click on the link, all you need to know is that a Homeland Security aide was busted in a child sex sting. And this from Reuters: The Homeland Security department is one of the federal agencies responsible for investigating child pornography and online exploitation of children, through its immigration and customs unit and the Secret Service. And it's only ironic until you learn that this guy's nickname around the office was "Pedi". At that point, it's just plain sad. But it kinda turns me on.

Obesity In Women Has Leveled Out. Something about reaching the saturation point. Don't worry, boys, you've still got more mountain to climb.

Duke Lax Gets Axe. Now that's an awful headline worthy of the Spartanburg Herald Journal. Anyway, the cancelled season should give the guys some more time to concentrate on raping minorites.

American Idol Eliminates 4 Contestants! Yep, Mandeisel got the boot. Pity, too, because the junk in her trunk included some mighty powerful lungs. God didn't answer all of her prayers, apparently.

Let Me Ride. As you probably know by now, Volkswagen went all Big Lebowski in their latest ads for the GTI, and though this website doesn't let you ride with Peter Stormare (as far as I can tell), you can ride with another hot Nazi. I built this car special like for you: Logjammin'

Swan Lake Rocks. Destroyer (Dan Bejar) teams up to form a Canadian indie lover's version of The Traveling Wilburys. Is that a painter in your pocket?

Ghostface Killah. Pitchfork drops 9 points on the new album. All in the name of street cred.

One More From Pitchfork: RJD2 dates. I've seen Mr. Krohn a couple of times. The first, in NYC, was sick. The second, in Asheville, was not. Let's hope he gets hold of some great coke for these shows (see ya in SC): Mount Pleasure.

Hate My Chutzpah. Hate My Pisk. Hate My Putz. Kobe Steak Bryant goes all Sammy Davis Jewy on us. He shoots, he shhcores.