It's my belief we've used up all our time, this hill's to steep to climb, and the days that remain ain't worth a dime. - The Band buy it for old times' sake!

Michele Wie Playing Winter Rules. Unfortunately, that shit don't fly on the 'lay up' tour. http://www.usatoday.com/sports/golf/lpga/2005-10-16-wie_x.htm

Ah, The Smell Of Democracy In The Morning. An air strike in Iraq puts a bunch of civilians out of their misery. Or at least that's the story the ole US of A is going with. Peace out! http://www.iht.com/articles/2005/10/17/news/iraq.php

Famous Lawyer's Wife Slain. Before he'd answer any questions, the husband said he'd like to talk to himself first. At which point he spontaneously combusted. http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=1222502

PETA of NC Not Very E. In other words, they've been euthanizng cats and dogs and dumping the animals in garbage bins outside of grocery stores. Heartwarming story to follow . . . http://home.hamptonroads.com/stories/story.cfm?story=93730&ran=57036

Bird Flu Not As Cool As It Sounds. Bubonic Plague, however, possibly cooler than it sounds. http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=1223000

One Time At Band Camp. Our bus crashed and killed a bunch of my friends. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/10/17/national/main948351.shtml

Local TV Station Impressed By Local Marijuana. Poor choice of words maybe? http://www.whns.com/Global/story.asp?S=3932890

New 007?? He's blonde, he's dumb, he's the pilot. And we still don't care. http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9671604/

Little Rascals Bully, Butch, Gets His. Spanky looking awfully suspicious. http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9479035/

Ex-SNL Comedian Commits Suicide. Hilarious! http://www.breitbart.com/news/2005/10/17/D8D9T0RG0.html

American Analog Set Announce Breakup Over Hushed Guitars And Feathered Drums. Is this thing on? http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/news/05-10/17.shtml#americananalogset

Mr. Potato Head: Nine Cases of Brain-Wasting Disease Documented in Idaho. And this on top of their already devastating Life-Wasting Disease epidemic. http://www.breitbart.com/news/2005/10/17/D8D9SJK00.html

Miers Will Overturn Roe! And then overturn it again when she becomes pregnant with Tom Cruise's baby. http://www.opinionjournal.com/diary/?id=110007415

Venezuela To Develop Nuclear Weapons. Whew! I thought for a second there they were planning to develop nucular weapons. http://www.washtimes.com/national/20051016-112537-4689r.htm

Fantasy Shmantasy. Your team is scraping the bottom of the barrel if you drafted these guys: Joe Horn, Kevin Jones, Jamal Lewis, Tony Gonzalez, Laverneous Coles . . . RIP Hobo Bush.

EP In The News: Chad Rucker has his headline replaced by one suggested by graphic designer Dan Cvammen. Something about not being able to believe the prices or something. Mike Weston takes a two hour lunch. And why those stories qualify as news is beyond everyone.