Bad news travels fast. And if it's about you, you probably hear about it last. - Latyrx buy it cuz you need it to live!

Some Hardcore Dorks Make Some Hardcore Nerds' Day. Something about an exploding star and gamma rays and quasars and ZZZZZZZZZZZ. http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200509/s1458880.htm

Delta Flight 11. Flight Chapter 11. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, the friendly skies gave way to some unfriendly numbers. http://news.ft.com/cms/s/f6f59564-247d-11da-a5d0-00000e2511c8.html

PS2 Power Adaptors Recalled. And unless this news makes it to one of the radio stations on Vice City: San Andreas, not one affected party will find out before it's too late. http://www.pcpro.co.uk/news/77351/sony-recalls-35m-ps2-power-adaptors.html

Now Hong Kong Is Perfect. Disney opens its newest magical land to little fanfare. This excerpt is all you need to read: Sure, it lacks some of the big rides, but the Hong Kong theme park is still fun - especially if you dig crowds and pollution, and bring a translator. http://www.businessweek.com/bwdaily/dnflash/sep2005/nf20050913_9145_db046.htm

In Other Disney News: Michael Jackson re-recording "We Are The World" for the Katrina relief. Wisely, Jackson has invited well-known artists to perform on what will surely be the first song at my wedding. The last line of the news clip: The single will be released on 2 Seas Records, a label owned by Sheik Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa of Bahrain. Good to know Jacko is back to its normal self. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/music/4241526.stm

Vitamin C May Fight Cancer! However, Cancer a 24-1 favorite. Ah, nuts, Lenny. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,169204,00.html

Other Things That May Fight Cancer:

Vitamin JC
Money
Opium
Unprotected Sex With Strangers
Asparagus
Wishful Thinking
Livestrong Bracelets
Holding Your Breath For a Really Long Time
Drunk Rednecks

W The President Publicly Takes Responsibuilty For Ineptitillityness. Privately, he takes naps and dreams of a land with even more disparity. http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/09/13/katrina.response/index.html

Airbags For Motorcycles. But What About Brains For Motorcyclists? Anyway, I'm not sure how that's really anything more than a gimmick. I mean, shouldn't the airbags just be placed on telephone poles and tree trunks? http://www.cnn.com/2005/AUTOS/09/08/honda_airbag.reut/index.html

This Just In! Chad Rucker Felates Dan Cvammen For "Creativity's Sake". And it's all caught on tape by Brockoli Koonce, amateur pornographer/fluffer.