Heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard from another you been messin' around. - REO Speedwagon buy it, radio shack employee!

We Want You! To Regret Ever Joining The National Guard. Bush The President says he'll keep the troops over in I-Rack as long as the ideology of the evil-doers remains evilicious. Can I get an 'ideology' from the front pew?! Ideology! http://www.guardian.co.uk/uslatest/story/0,1282,-5191460,00.html

NASA As Good With Words As They Are With Space. From the link: Mission managers could not guarantee that a piece of the blanket won't rip off during re-entry and slam into the spacecraft, but they said the chance of that happening was remote. Ahhh, as comforting as an old tee shirt. http://www.newsday.com/news/nationworld/nation/ats-ap_us10aug04,0,3958958.story?coll=ny-leadnationalnews-headlines

Robert Novak Throws a Hissy, Gets Tossed From CNN. He dropped an S-Bomb in James Carville's general direction and stormed off the set of a normally boring blowhard-friendly show. Proof that being a douchebag cathes up with you sooner or later: http://today.reuters.com/news/NewsArticle.aspx?type=entertainmentNews&storyID=2005-08-05T083442Z_01_N05188920_RTRIDST_0_ENTERTAINMENT-MEDIA-NOVAK-DC.XML

Intelligent Design. Not So Intelligent President. As if Iraq weren't alienating him enough, Bush The President endorses Intelligent Design, a theory that claims that a greater force than evolution was at work at the time of our creation, and wants it to be taught in schools across the country. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,164446,00.html

It's a Short Life After All. Those who predicted that Mickey Mouse would kill again were right. This time, the victim was snuffed out at Typhoon Lagoon, a water park that surprisingly does not count "death" as one of its features. http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/08/05/disney.death.ap/index.html

Angelina's Mohawked Son, Maddox, Calls Pitt 'Daddy'! Hey, has anyone else out there noticed that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are hot? Whew! They are sooo hot. Someone needs to cover that story - stat. http://entertainment.news.com.au/story/0,10221,16159828-7485,00.html

The Dookie Of Hazzard. The Hollywood adaptation of that wonderful TV show that harks back to a simpler time when women wore only panties, everyone had a moonshine still and black folk were rarely seen and even more rarely heard from, is getting shat upon by almost everyone, except, I'm sure, for some no-name from an NBC affiliate out in Des Moines. He hasn't had this much fun at the movies all summer!! http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/Movies/08/05/review.hazzard/index.html

Yoga May Help You Lose Weight. And Friends! Yogis, the most obnoxious, self-righteous exercisers in America, report a 5 pound weight loss over a ten-year period. Oooh! Sign me up! I've got a beach weekend planned for 2016 and I just have to fit into my favorite bathing suit. http://www.allheadlinenews.com/cgi-bin/news/newsbrief.plx?id=2246512222&fa=1