Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare. - David Bowie buy it, space cowboy!

Houston, We Have a Fireball: Astronauts Eagerly Awaiting Being Referred to as "Heroes" by Their Tombstones. No doubt, NASA is in a state of clusterfuckness. In fact, they are scrapping all future missions. But I say scrap the whole money-draining program. Or, at least, let's go back to manning the shuttles with baboons or whatever they were manning the things with before the brass started pushing men and women off the cliff. Or how about convicts? Our prisons are overcrowded.

For me, my dreams of Space Camp and zero gravity started and ended with the Challenger's launch. After that, my interest was only in the "No, Bud Light" and "What Does This Button Do?" jokes. Funyn stuff to a 5th grader. At any rate, NASA seems to be one debacle after the next. And I don't know if those astronauts will return safely, but I do know that I'd prefer to be anyone else right now. My advice to them: make fast friends with those suckers on the Space Station and put their shuttle up on cinder blocks out front. And have as much sex as possible.

Actually, this could be the best Survivor series ever! Get voted off and you're flying back to Earth in the most expensive coffin in the world, the Space Shuttle Discovery.

It's only fitting, then, that as I say goodbye to my cubicle (officially tomorrow) and begin my search for a more fulfilling career, I leave you with my list of least favorite jobs.

My Least Favorite Jobs (The First Jobs to be Crossed Off of my Job Hunt List)

1. Astronaut
2. Prison Guard
3. Star Jones' Refrigerator Light
4. Fluffer
5. Big Brother 7 Contestant
6. Accountant
7. Clown
8. Copywriter
9. Laura Bush
10. Waiter
11. Garbage Man
12. Lindsay Lohan's Nose
13. Human Cannonball

The regular posting (and my last behind this computer) will continue tomorrow. I'm off to drink the past 2 and a half years away. Cheers.