And everything you hated me for . . . honey, there was so much more. - Songs: Ohia buy it, slacka!

Can you hizzear me, nizzow? Former Verizon Wireless bigwig to lead the NAACP farther down path of blurred focus. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/26/national/26naacp.html?th=&adxnnl=1&emc=th&adxnnlx=1119877465-9y9KvuL2NWYueZsUpTGkBA

God To Get His Own Star On The Walk of Fame. Religious groups and conservative producers plan on making more Flanders-friendly films that every Christian in America is too afraid to pan. Hmm . . . looks as though Hollywood is feeling a bit guilty for proving to us, with the releases of Herbie: Fully Loaded and Soulplane, that there is no God . http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/26/movies/26ulme.html?th&emc=th

No Child Left Behind As Far As You Know. Schools all over the nation are exaggerating their graduation rates. And no one would have noticed had it not been for Spartanburg High School (South Carolina) reporting a 118% graduation rate. Sadly, they still have no idea why that figure doesn't really work. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/27/opinion/27mon4.html?th&emc=th

Uncle Sam Wants You - To Wear This Target And Say Goodbye To Your Wife and Kids For The Last Time. Instead of lining up outside army recruitment centers, many Americans are choosing to spread their message of Democracy by flying Old Glory outside of their homes that happen to not be on streets lined with bombs or shrapnel. You know, for some reason, people just aren't volunteering for our all-volunteer army. Enter: solution. Lower the qualifications! That's right, lower the military's acceptance standards. Can't do 50 push-ups? Just eat 50 push-ups and we'll call it even. Flat feet? Shit, we'll take you with no feet. Oh, and you can join with a criminal record so long as you have never been convicted of treason or of being gay. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/27/opinion/27herbert.html?th&emc=th

Teaching, Like Pimping, Ain't Easy. People assume that school teachers spend their summers at their beach house or poolside at the club. Those people went to private schools their entire lives and bitch about capital gains taxes. Because teachers get the short end of every stick. And then they have to eat rectangular pizza for lunch. Admittedly, some teachers are idiots and deserve nothing but a pink slip. But some are quite the opposite. To read about Eggers' solution to make sure we have more of the latter, read the following:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/27/opinion/27eggers.html?th&emc=th

Pooh's Coroner. The voice of Tigger is dead at 82. So why is this the best thing to hit Smurf Village since Sassette made her debut? Because Paul Winchell was also the voice of Gargamel. No more will the Smurfs be in his crosshairs. Plus, in about 10 days, Azrael should die from starvation, which means the only thing the Smurfs will have left to do is smurf, if you know what I mean. http://www.elitestv.com/pub/2005/Jun/EEN42bf8ca99a2fa.html

Say it Ain't Sosa! I've always wanted to use that really clever headline, but I started my blig like two years too late. So it makes no sense today, but I feel better. The real news is that Ashton and Demi might be having a baby! Top four name choices so far: Martini, Oxygenated, Moviestar and Scott. http://www.elitestv.com/pub/2005/Jun/EEN42bf66507f535.html

Real World: Iraq. US military folk meet with various insurgents to ask them to "please stop trying so hard". http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/06/26/AR2005062600096.html

Tom Cruise Casts Science-like Spell On Matt Lauer!

Lauer: You've been quoted as saying that Brooke Shields was not depressed and never really needed any anti-depressants.
Cruise: I study the sciences, Matt. I read the journals. Do you? Do you know where depression comes from? That's absurd! You're glib and glob! Whatever you say bounces of me and sticks to you.
Lauer: Hey, how about that Ritalin?
Cruise: You don't know a thing about Psychiatry. I do! Look, you can't spell Scientology without most of the letters you need to spell Science.
Lauer: Well, I know people who have benefited from -
Dr. Cruise: You know nothing. You know nothing of Scientology or Christianity or Lovology. I like your tie.
Lauer: War of the Worlds opens Friday everywhere. Good to see you, Tom.
God: Woooo! I love that gal! Science!

This wouldn't be funny if it wasn't so darn accurate. Okay, maybe it's still not funny, but the picture on this link is . . .
http://www.accesshollywood.com/news/4649252/detail.html

American Fightol! And this is when you say, in your best Jerri Blank voice, "hilarious". Paula Abdul's alleged husband or something like that, Corey Clark, smacks a bitch up after a concert that I can't believe I missed. "The ho ain't pressin' no charges at this here time", according to the Sacramento Bee, a local paper apparently named by its owner's 6 year old daughter. http://www.accesshollywood.com/news/4655516/detail.html

Jacko Talks! Claims fans "held him" and "dried his tears". Hey, isn't that exactly what the prosecution was claiming? http://mjjsource.com/main/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=628&Itemid=32