Everytime they'd go back out to sea, it's like they'd draw a little bit more out of me. - Latyrx buy it, suckas!

Catch, Kill and Rerease! The Japanese are rery angry after losing an international commercial whaling vote that would have permitted them to hunt down and spear the ugly mammals for the environmental nuisances they are. So in an effort to unite that nation's whale haters (don't hate tha game, hate tha whale), Save the Whales . . . Meat! bumper stickers are being handed out at karaoke bars and Disney World, and a public service campaign is underway that aims to educate the public on the fantabulousness of blubber, while showing that whales actually evolved from Mothra.
http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=scienceNews&storyID=8850730

Bush and Bolton Cock Blocked by Democrats. Bolton's 'stache, the next best thing to Tupperware, vows revenge. http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/news/050621b.asp

Cruise Gets Hosed Down. Remembers the good ole days. Then remembers he's supposed to be hetero, so quickly fires back with barrage of "jerky jerkerstons" and possibly a lawsuit. http://www.dailyindia.com/show/305.php

Cure for Alzheimer's! Just kidding, mom! Gosh, you're as gullible as you are forgetful. Anyway, I had a friend who used to call it "Old Timers". Like I said, I had a friend. At any rate, scientists are now zeroing in on the hippocampus, the coolest sounding part of your brain, to unlock the mysteries of the disease that makes trips to grandma's house more sucky than usual. http://wcco.com/specialreports/local_story_172103246.html

Why Do Blacks Have To Be So Black-Like? A few days ago, Carl Everett waxed poetic on gayness. A few years ago, Carl Everett lost touch with reality when he began taking The Bible literally, among other things. http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2087125

Guess Which Star of Desperate Housewives Was Arrested! Nope. Ah, no. No sir, guess again. Sorry, guess again. NO. NO. NO. Guess again. What? John Stamos isn't even on the show! Okay, that Dana/Zach kid from the ABC hit was arrested for smoking the herb. Charges will be dropped in one year, barring no further incidents. The producers of the show had no comment other than, "Wow! What a coincidence! That'll just about mark the one-year anniversary of his character being written off the show!" http://www.accesshollywood.com/news/4633748/detail.html

A Precious Old Cracker-Lover is Convicted of Murder! A Mississippi jury delivers a guilty verdict in a case involving the Klan, a burning church and three civil rights-motivated murders that happened over 40 years ago. The jury, which consisted of 9 whites and 3 blacks, had some awkward moments while deliberating, according to one of the black jurors. The white men not only apologized for being white, but they offered to get snacks for the black men, refilled the black men's drinks when their glasses became half-empty, talked a lot about the NBA finals and all "had their money on Tiger", according to the black juror. http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/06/21/mississippi.killings/index.html

School Teacher Donates $2 Million to Alma Mater. A school teacher with $2 Mil? That's like a professional golfer with an ugly wife. Anyway, it goes to show that teachers are so far removed from money that they wouldn't know what to do with it if they had it. Dude, money is made of paper so that it'll burn. Think about, hoss. http://www.cnn.com/2005/EDUCATION/06/20/unexpected.donation.ap/index.html

Bush To Visit 'Nam 37 Years After He Was Supposed To. Says he's looking forward to meeting Charlie. This should go over well. http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/06/21/bush.vietnam/index.html

More Bush Numbers: He's Grieving 24/7. In addition to thinking about the war everyday, W the President (love those sticekrs!) grieves for every soldier and civilian who gives the ultimate sacrifice for democracy. So that makes about 1200 separate grieving sessions for W in just these past two months, which helps to explain why he hasn't gotten a damn thing done lately. The fool's apparently in constant grief. Inconsolable, I would imagine. In fact, if you do the math, that's about one soldier per hour - every hour - the past 60 days. And that's excluding sleep, dumping, meal times, nap times, cartoon times, smirk times, tee times and general looking down at the other half times. http://www.news24.com/News24/World/News/0,,2-10-1462_1724449,00.html

Because of Winn Dixie. I was laid off and now sit around my apartment sucking the cream out of the Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls that I stole on my last day there. Someone please make that movie! Yeah, Winn Dixie is closing 1/3 of its supermarkets. For those not familiar with the chain, leave your dairy products out for 3 days, drag your produce behind your car, let a stranger sample your bread and then handwrite prices on each one of them. That's pretty much it. http://www.wavy.com/Global/story.asp?S=3502521

Where's Your God Now? You can only masturbate so many times between the hours of 12Am and 2AM. Despite what my good friend Land tells me. Still, it doesn't always put you to sleep; sometimes you need Jack Van Impe. This guy (and his psycho sidekick) think the world is coming to an end, like, really soon. And they couldn't be happier. Fascinating.

From the website's Question of the Week section:

Q: Do you ascribe to the preterist belief? Can you explain it to me briefly?

A: My dear sister in Christ, next week I'm going to take this thing apart. Tell others about it. I'm going to show you that one of the propagators of this blasphemous teaching is Hank Hanagraff - the Bible answer man. Well, this is one Bible question he has wrong. It teaches that every sign happened by 70 AD and the extreme preterists believe that Jesus came back then, and my question is, "if so where is He and what day did He arrive?" How come the Mount of Olives didn't split in two according to Zechariah 14:4? Come on now - next week I'm really going to deal with this.

Yeah, what's up with the Mount Olives not splitting in two, Hank? Oh, I can't wait til next week! http://www.jvim.com/