That's life, she said, we should be dead. We should be stars and perfect tens, and that's just three off the top of my head. Once again, you're a godsend. - AC Newman

It's Done! Pitchfork Media is becoming a guilty pleasure. I visit pretty much daily to find new bands, check out tours and see how badly they bashed a favorite artist of mine. However, it's becoming more and more difficult to read. The writers are masturbating behind their keyboards, no doubt. So I just end up reading the numbers. It's the only English on the page. And David Cross sums it up perfectly with his top ten list. http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/features/artistlists/c/cross_david-05/

Dairy Scream! Some really cool kids with really badass haircuts who just so happened to be racing in the streets of Gastonia, NC lost control of one of the vehicles, perhaps a Civic SI, and plowed into a bunch of Dairy Queen regulars. Thanks to layers of fat and fanny packs filled with insulin cushioning the blow, there were no fatalities. In fact, many of the tears on Monday night were simply due to the fact that the collision caused most of the victims to drop their ice cream cones. The more willful ones held on throughout the incident, a feat that paid off in spades during police questioning. http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/national/AP-Ice-Cream-Collision.html

The One Tenth That Got Away. Advertisers tell us that 99.9% of all germs are killed on contact when it comes to various hand sanitizers and disinfectants. So what's up with the .1% that isn't killed? Is it a strand of super germs? Am I in danger? And, anyway, doesn't 99.9% sound kinda made up? Please, Lysol, inform me. Oh, it's just a superbug. Nevermind. Wait, a superbug? Whaaaaa?! Seriously, though, what's up with that .1%? Anyone? Bueller? http://www.lysol.com/faqsdis.shtml#7

Look out, Vance! We knew Ellen DeGeneres hated men, but isn't this taking it a bit too far? http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/World/2005/05/22/1051600-ap.html

According to reports, NASA still exists. They're currently looking for cracks in the door of Discovery, the presumptuous name of their latest shuttle, before they give the green light to a July launch. In other words, they're setting the table for some great irony sometime in July. Call us when you find life on Mars or figure out time travel or scrap your program all together. http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/metropolitan/3194895

FOX one week away from shit-tons of COPS. It's Bo. It's Carrie. It's Idol. No need to watch, though. Bo walks away with this one. Paula cries. Randy says "dog". Simon dreams about bangers and mash. http://www.idolonfox.com/

Stuart Scott. He must be butter, because he fucking sucks.