So this guy comes up to me the other day and asks, "Why would anyone ever buy your cards? I mean, who do you send these things to?" Well, I shot that man. And that raised the percentage of people who like my cards from 2.6999% to 2.7%. It has been a goal of mine since day one, so we all have something to celebrate.

Other things to celebrate:

The Runaway Bride returned to her sobbing fiance. The only thing more pathetic than her story is the fact that her fiance still hasn't called off the wedding. He's just postponing it. Guess what, John? Once crazy as shit, always crazy as shit. But seriously, guys, let's lay off the poor woman. She traveled across the country on a Greyhound bus. That's punishment enough. http://www.local6.com/news/4442780/detail.html

Stuart Scott is still like the other side of the pillow: covered in semen. And Dan Patrick still gives the worst interviews on ESPN. Jeremy Schaap is a close second. But he's been beaten like a rented mule so many times over that I forgive his shortcomings and any resemblance he may or may not have to the California Raisins.
http://www.houghtonmifflinbooks.com/catalog/authordetail.cfm?authorID=10154

Nicholas Kristof writes yet another piece on the massacres in Darfur. This man is on a mission. Good for him. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/03/opinion/03kristof.html?th&emc=th

Gosh, Oprah Winfrey and Kirstie Alley must feel like suckers. All that work for nothing. Apparently, being fat is healthy. At least, for now. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20050426.wxcowent26a/BNStory/specialComment/

Sarah W, who just so happens to be too beautiful for words, gets sent home crying. "Being beautiful is a curse as much as it is a blessing." Truer words have never been . . . Oh, shut up. http://abc.go.com/primetime/bachelor/

The Derby is around the corner. Noble Causeway, High Fly, Bandini. In that order.
http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/horse/news/story?id=2046961